Hello everyone, I am a family education instructor, a psychological counselor grapefruit mother, and the mother of three children. I will accompany you to talk about the sweetness and salty of Duowa family.The first topic is Sheng Erbao. Are you ready?
The process of raising three children is heroic. I have a child of 8.6 pounds. I have a pair of twin daughters who add 13 pounds. The three children are breastfeeding.In the process of raising them, they continue to grow and make fun.
Every time I chat with young female friends, I can’t help but persuade them to have a lot of life.Because as the mother of the three children, I have felt the magical power between children’s families.
Many people will refute me and feel that I should not advocate a woman to become a fertility machine, and some people complain that the economic pressure of raising children is high.
The proportion of unwillingness to be born or not many families is evident from the fertility curves in recent years. The most reason for these parents to mention is "it is too expensive to raise children."
To raise children, the cost of educational costs, raising costs, living costs, etc. According to the report released by the population expert Liang Jianzhang this year, the child is large to 17 years old.About 1 million yuan.
From the perspective of economic benefits, for most Chinese families, "raising children" is definitely not cost -effective.Not to mention that parents do not pay for investment, they are from the perspective of their children. Some families spend huge sums of money to make their children expensive private schools and famous schools.There are more money.
It is understood that if parents are more concerned about economic costs and returns, of course, they do not want to have more children.
Not only the economy, but also the giving in physical and energy is huge. If you raise three children, you face huge challenges every day.However, from the perspective of psychological research, I still persuade you to have more children.
First of all, in terms of cost returns, raising the second, the cost of the third child will be much lower than the first child.This is mainly because of experience, it will reduce a lot of unnecessary expenses. For example, the boss continues to try and error during his learning interest class. In Erbao and Sanbao, I directly jumped away from a lot of pits and avoided a lot of IQ tax.The boss’s things can also be given to the second child, the third child.
At the same time, the children will form a small ecosystem, each occupy and compete with each other.Some psychologists say that the most important thing in the growth of children is not learning textbooks, but to have a social process, that is, to learn the skills of living in society, and find their position in the community.There are many children in the family, and the social study of each child will be smoother.
The only child and children with siblings will compete together.The only child may occupy more per capita educational resources, and there is a competitive advantage in resource -intensive skills.For example, in terms of learning piano and violin, the only child may be more prominent in terms of skills that need to invest more resources.However, in terms of social interaction and personality growth, children with siblings may be more prominent.
If you pay attention to the future of the entire family, the long -term changes in the population and the physical and mental health of your child, you can probably understand that I persuade you to suffer.
Of course, this is my point of view. I express my point of view, and you can retain your own willingness to fertility.If you also agree with me, then I have to persuade another sentence, prepare early, and prepare.
Many mothers who want Erbao will have such a confusion.I plan to give birth to Erbao, but I have n’t been ready. How long is it ready to prepare. What are you ready to prepare?
Sheng Erbao, what do we need to prepare?
First of all, we need to prepare for objective and subjective factors that Sheng Erbao needs to prepare, that is, external causes and internal causes.
The external cause is the foundation of the emotional foundation, the economic foundation and the division of labor of the family members.
First of all, the foundation of emotion -whether your love and your lover’s emotional foundation is firm.
If your two feelings are still very good, every day is harmonious, respectful as guests, love each other, and a family of three is happy together.At this time, if you want a second child, I think it will add a happiness.But don’t think about using the second child to make up for the cracks of your feelings. This is a decision to be irresponsible to yourself and children.
The second point of economic foundation.
Many mothers say -I have no money, I want the second child, but I am amazing.
Another point is that money is not a decision factor. If you have money, you will be rich.
That’s right, economic problems are not a decisive factor, but it is indeed a factor that we need to consider before the second child, and it is also an objective factor.
Because we feel that the cost of the child, the cost of feeding him is really too high and too large.If we want to give him a happy life of the boss and not reduce our quality of life and the quality of life of the whole family, we must consider whether our existing income can bear the cost of two children at the same time.
This requires our ourselves to make a prediction and prediction in the early stage.When I asked for a second child, I didn’t consider economic problems at all. It was too optimistic. At that time, my husband and I both experienced unemployment.Fortunately, because of this terrible consequences in advance, when I was stretched, I gritted their teeth to endure.
The suffering of life is a dynamic process. When you encounter a problem, you need to think about countermeasures, not foreseeing problems, bypassing problems.
The third point of the family member’s division of labor.
Why do family members need to participate together?It is because you have to consider whether there is such a person who can be at a loss after giving birth. You can help you with the case where you have no way.
Regardless of whether this person is a brother and sister, a parent or a friend, or a relative, at least there should be such one or two people around you to help you.
Many mothers say that I am a strong woman, I can make it myself, and I can come by myself.When my boss was, I was alone, and the second child was fine.I believe that after I have a second child, you will know how much others need.Therefore, whether the foundation of the family member’s division of labor is ready? This is a factor that requires the determination we must prepare and understand.
When I raise Dabao, I feel that I am a team, and I do n’t need anyone to help at all, but when the second child is in the second child, you must take care of the boss at the same time.After elementary school, to accept it, the twin sisters of the baby must help take care of it for a while … There are too many moments that need to be settled. Fortunately, the father -in -law is next door and can take a hand at any time.
In addition to the above three objective external factors, there are also subjective factors.
The subjective factors mainly refer to the mother of the mother. Is the mother’s psychological preparation?Do you really love children in your heart? Do you want a new life to appear in your world?this point is very important.
Then there is whether your physical condition can withstand the second pregnancy, the second baby, the second childbirth, and the second companion growth.
Whether your physical condition is ready, this requires some physical examinations in advance and conditioning your body in advance.
One more important thing is that family members are ready?
The external objective factors we just mentioned have the division of labor of family members.Similarly, subjective internal factors refer to your boss, your lover, is he and the boss ready to welcome a new life and join our family team?Is my dad prepared, and with my mother to take on a new life work?
Is the boss ready to welcome a blood -related hand and foot that he has never met?
It is the preparation that the boss and dad must be done. This requires the mother to do work in advance and communicate with communication in advance. This also requires us to prepare in advance.
In general, we need to consider objective conditions, prepare for external material manpower and energy, and at the same time we should do a good job of psychological construction of family members.
If everything above is OK, then I tell you that you can prepare the second child.
But there are also many friends who say that what should I do if the second child who came?If it is really unexpected and we are too late to prepare, then you just need to ask yourself two questions.
First, is it willing to accept a new life to me, will I love him.
Second, do I have the ability to help help with the boss to accept this new life.
I believe that every mother will work hard to achieve the conditions you want for this new life.
I also believe that every member of the family will be willing to accept the arrival of new life.But all the problems are solved.