"What should I do if my biological parents suddenly come to admit their relatives?"
This is a topic on the question and answer website. We inadvertently noticed it. In the process of reading the comments below, we found that most of these sent children happened during the family planning period, and girls accounted for the vast majority of girls.
The 30 -year -old girl from Qujing Mountain Village, Yunnan, became an extra person as soon as she was born (pseudonym).In 1994, the biological mother left the world when she was one year old.She was sent away in the economic distress family.
However, Fang Zaolu said that compared with the pain of being abandoned by his biological father, the most difficult thing was to lose the desperation of adoptive parents early.
Parents who have no children are nearly 60 years old.When she went to high school, she had to go to the school and hospital to take care of her eighty -e -adopted mother who was paralyzed in bed. One month before the college entrance examination, her adoptive mother died.In 2015, she graduated from a undergraduate college in Kunming and found a faculty in elementary school.It didn’t take long for the adoptive father to leave again.
After the end of the elderly in the elderly, Fang Chuangu became unreasonable.
In order to re -establish a relationship of affection, she decided to return to her biological father’s house, but found that she was a "outsider" anyway, "inferiority has been shrouded in me."
Fang Sa Lu’s comments on the question and answer website.
Establishing her own home seems to be her only hope to relive the warmth of the family.In October last year, we conducted the first interview.She told me that she was afraid of marriage because of the gender violence she had witnessed in the past.In April this year, we talked again. She told me that she had been engaged and had two months of pregnancy. "I’m too lonely."
Fang Zaolu was passively moved between the two families, becoming the ultimate sufferings of gender pressure, and more deeply hurt a person’s self -cognition and self -worth.This may be the common story of the girls pulled in the two families.
[The following is her self -report]
adopt a child
At the end of last year, I was engaged to hold a banquet. He was my friend’s friend. I think he loves cleanliness, cooks deliciously, and emotionally stable. I am angry and impressed.When I was ready to be together, I asked him how much he owed the account. He said that he owed 50,000. I could still accept what I owe 50,000, so I was together.
We met in 2021, and we were in place in the place of love directly in the National Day last year.At the beginning, why decided to be so fast because he poked my point "".I have thought about my hometown, and I always want to leave my parents to plant trees. I deliberately told many men. They do n’t care about me. He is the only one who says he is willing to plant trees with mePeople.
Since I was a child, I knew I took it.Sometimes, playing with the friends, maybe their parents told them that those children would say, "You are raised, you are not born to your mother."I scolded him back, "I’m not, I want to go back and tell my mother", but I never tell my mother.
I asked my mother when I turned around, how old do women do not have children?My mother said that she would not have menstruation at about 55 years old.But when my mother was raising me, she was more than 55 years old.I determine that I am not born.
Before me, my parents also raised a girl.When I was a child, I opened the album and saw a single black and white photo. The girl in the photo kept the student’s head, and I went to ask my mother.She said that this was your sister, and their parents were gone. Only the three sisters were the youngest. She was the youngest and her life was very difficult. My mother took her.After she was raised by my mother, she went to her sister when she was in junior high school, and never returned.Usually, my mother saw my sister’s clothes or after working together, and she cried.
Some people in the village are relatively big, and they will say that I have been raised, and my mother will be very angry. "If my daughter is said to run away by you, do you want to care for me?, I let you be responsible. "
My uncle is very realistic. When I was not going to school, my uncle told my mother that you are so old that you are so old that you will pick up a daughter to raise it, just to give you the end of the elderly?You don’t have to read her. When she is twelve or three years old, she will directly recruit her son -in -law to raise your old couple.
My mother scolded him, not allowing anyone to tell me about recruiting son -in -law.In fact, many people persuaded her to recruit relatives at the age of 12, and my dad also agreed.But my mother never agreed. She has always encouraged me to read, "Don’t be like a mother, you must read it well and get out of this mountain."
My mother was quite good to me. When I was a kid, I loved watermelon. There was only one family in the village to grow watermelon. My mother had quarreled with the family, but I wanted to eat it. My mother looked down to ask that person to give me watermelon to eat.Since I was conscious, no matter how much I made a mistake, she hasn’t scolded me and makes sense to me.
My mother’s dad died when she was a child. My grandmother took them to ask for life everywhere, because my dad lived in the place where there were fields, and I could plant rice. My grandmother took her to live on my dad and married my mother to my mother.My dad.They have no children, and the problem is on my dad.My dad had married a wife before, and the other party ran away when he found that he had a problem.
My dad never did housework and had to drink.Going to the cow, he slept under the big tree, and the cattle went to the crops of others. People did not find my dad, and asked my mother to deal with it.I think my dad doesn’t love my mother.They never slept together. As long as others provoked the departure in front of my dad, saying bad things about my mother, my dad followed my mother, fat, ugly, but not ability.
My mother rely on my mother to dig the ground with a hoe to plant crops and feed our family of three.I also see that my mother is often bullied in life, and I can’t see it.At that time, I just wanted to study hard, I wanted to make more money, so that my mother would not be so bitter in my life, and gave her some blessings.
Since I was a child, I knew that there was no money at home, and it might be the poorest family in the village.We live in the mountains. The house is a soil -based house. There are two floors. The floor is wooden. We dream of launching the wooden board.If it rains, the house leaks everywhere. Put a water basin here, where a water basin is placed.
Fang Earnia’s soil house has been ruined.Interviewee confession
In elementary school, I help people pick up peppers to earn learning fees for five dollars a day.I remember very clearly that in the fifth grade, a brother went to work and borrowed two hundred tolls with my mother. My mother couldn’t get it. She had only dozens of dollars.
In the second day, my eyes hurt, and I had a lot of fish -like swollen grains at the eyelids. One by one, it seemed to have a layer of white mist covering, which affected my vision.
My mother first took me to the clinic to see the doctor. The doctor said that it would use salt to eliminate inflammation and cure my illness.At that time, I washed it, but the efficacy was too uncomfortable.After that, when I went to eat a banquet, they said how your eyes were a line, and I realized the seriousness of the problem.When I went to the hospital in the town, I had two operations. The doctor scratched the eyelids into local anesthesia and scratched the swollen granules, but it took two days to grow.
At that time, I was desperate. My mother was laughed at by the people in the village because of my eyes. They laughed at my mother and took a daughter to raise it. In the end, they were sick.
My eyes were not cured. I guess I couldn’t get through. I was panicked in my heart. I felt that the future was dark.My mother and I told me that I plan to raise hundreds of chickens a year, how many cows, and I cooperate with people in the restaurant so that I can earn money without reading.My mother listened quietly, her eyes were a little red.She said, you have read the third grade, no matter how, you go to the test.
On the day of the score of the high school entrance examination, my mother was paralyzed.At more than two pm that afternoon, I went to school to check the results.My aunt’s children came to see my mother, they told my mother that her aunt died.
After learning the news, my mother began to cry "whine". She said that her only sister was gone, and people fell straight to the ground.My cousin cousin went to pull my mother and found that her body couldn’t move.After that, my mother was taken to the hospital by the ambulance and has been paralyzed in bed for a long time.I happened to go to the county seat to study in high school, and then went to school and hospital to take care of her all year round.
In the hospital, my mother was worried that I would not take care of me in the future and told me about my life.She said, "If one day I am gone, you are going to find your biological father, you are his biological, he is not good for you, but he will not hurt you."
I know from there that my biological mother gave birth to four daughters. I was the youngest. Originally, they thought that my child must be a son, but when she was born, she was a daughter, and my mother (biological mother) was crazy.She was more than one year old and she died.Later, my dad (biological father) wanted a son, and said everywhere, he gave me a few children to raise my grandma.The conditions in the family are too bad. Grandma talks about who wants children to pick up, and I will be picked up by my mother.
After my mother’s stroke, after a while, my father (biological father) came.My mother said, this is your uncle.Because I know that I have a father, my expression was wrong immediately -when I was five or six years old, I saw my father once. At that time, he looked for a daughter -in -law everywhere and knew that there was a girl with poor intelligence in our village.Come here and want my mother to help talk about the media.
I am angry with my father (biological father). My mother said that if I didn’t shout, your uncle was here. I didn’t eat lunch.Due to anger, I deliberately chopped hard on the cutting board, cut a lot, and hadn’t washed it, so I could eat it.I walked on the ground desperately, watching my father, watching me and saying, "You can’t complain about me. This is life. There is such a valuable one in the family, and I can’t help it."
My father (biological father) was called by my mother (adoptive mother).I think my mother is very contradictory. After she was paralyzed, she was worried that my dad (adoptive father) was unreliable.Usually, she also asked me to call my father (biological father), but as soon as I called, she was holding a crutch again, and it was enough to listen to it. My mother cared about me, and she was afraid of me.
Three years in high school, I spent a lot of time in the hospital.Sleeping at the hospital in the evening, getting up at 5 o’clock in the morning, helping my mother excrete, turn over, wipe the body, feed, and then go to the school for half an hour, and return to the hospital at noon to feed my mother.
During that time, I was under a lot of pressure. The doctor said that your mother was generally good, but it was just a time.I kept this big stone in my heart, and dare not tell my mother.
In order to take care of my mother, I did n’t think about reading. The scores of enrollment were the top ten in the class, and later the countdown was second.I thought many times I just didn’t read books. I didn’t go directly twice, and my mother was forced to go.Once I took care of my mother in the hospital, I was worried that no one would take care of my mother when I left, so I didn’t want to go.Another time, my mother was discharged from the hospital and went home. I was not assured that my dad took care of my mother. I was going back to school on Sunday that day. My mother called several times, and I was sitting at home.In the back, my mother said that if I didn’t read it, she was harmed. She would not take medicine or live, and I couldn’t carry a schoolbag again.
During that time, my three sisters contacted me through my father (biological father). She was taken out like me. Maybe because of life experience, we could talk about it.She knew that I was difficult, and secretly saved the money, gave me a hundred or two hundred, and let me buy things. My eyes also took me to the hospital in the city.
After taking care of my mother for more than two years, she died more than a month before the college entrance examination.
At that time, I was at school, and my dad took care of my mother at home. He bought a high sugar cake for me to eat for me. As a result, my mother had a high blood pressure and relapsed again. The throat was full of phlegm and could not breathe.The village doctor gave my mother a bit, and the needle could not enter the blood vessels.
After my mother died, my life was dark.I regret why I read books. If I do n’t read, I ’m going to accompany my mother, maybe I do n’t have so many regrets.I always feel that my mother has raised me, and it seems that I haven’t got anything from me.In fact, I also thought that if she said at the beginning, I just recruited a son -in -law, her life should be better.
After my mother died, a man in his village harassed me in his 40s.His face was full of scars of burn, and he could not marry his wife.The man often called me at two or three o’clock in the evening and was still playing until I joined the job.
In order to avoid harassment, I read a book hard and my grades came up slowly.But I don’t know what the study is for the reason. After taking the college, I don’t want to study.Later, I thought of harassing me, let’s hide from college.
After my mother died, my dad was lonely.He bought four or five bees (singers), where people go, where the little bee is carried, and put it at two or three o’clock every night.The uncle and aunt in the village hated him and asked me to call him.
I am afraid that my dad is lonely. As long as I have time in school every day, I always have to call my dad. I can’t get through. I am in a hurry. I have to take a train back to see him on the weekend.After my mother died, the money was given to me, and I would take the money to my dad. What he wanted to buy him as much as possible. If he was uncomfortable, I would go back for leave.In order to let my neighbors take care of my dad more, I usually raise things for them.
Since going to college, in order to make living expenses, most of my energy is used in part -time jobs. I have been a waiter to the hotel and learn to do massage.Massage salary is a little higher, two or three thousand yuan a month.
In my sophomore year, my dad was beaten with people in the village. He lived in the orthopedic department of the county hospital, and then bed was bed in a stroke.In order to take care of him, I took him to the county and rent a house near the school to take care of him.
My mother has a good temper and takes care of her for more than two years. She never scolds me and only comforts me.But my dad was different. He scolded me all night and scolded me to sleep at two or three o’clock.After that, he was worried that one acre of the family was dug and returned to his hometown.
In the summer of 2015, after graduating from college, I went to a primary school to teach Chinese.In October this year, my dad died.Without his son was his heart disease, he did not show up in the end. When he collapsed in the town health center, he might have no sober head. He said that there were a lot of boys in the hospital.He doesn’t want me anymore.
After my dad died, I did not have a relative, lonely, and my heart was the most sad time. My eldest son of my stepmother took the initiative to contact me and took me to dinner. He seemed to feel a little sorry for me.Maybe I am too lack of affection and love. I feel quite warm and decide to return (biological father’s) family.
After admitting to my relatives home, I still looked at myself as an outsider. When I went, I mentioned a lot of things, but the stepmother still said that I was tight (stingy).
I don’t know how to evaluate the stepmother. On the one hand, I think she is pitiful, but I find that a person is in the abyss. It may be more sinister to understand the society, and she may be harder and harder.My elder sister returned to her mother’s house. She immediately followed my elder sister to buy clothes and picked the most expensive. She also said bad things about my elder sister behind her. My elder sister cried after knowing it.There are customs in the countryside that the married daughter will be unlucky in crying in her mother’s house. The stepmother invited the goddess to "hang red", which means that a red cloth was hung on the door, and the scriptures were obscure.
If I really have something on one day, my stepmist would not laugh at me, and my father may come for a second time.The reason why I often call to care about my father is just my responsibility, like completing the task.
In elementary school, I will have a dream.At that time, no one told me that my mother (biological mother) would be crazy, but in my dream, my mother would hit me crazy, I am so scared and helpless.After admitting my depending, I returned to my father (biological father) and found that that place is exactly the same as the dream in the dream. I don’t know if it is the memory or what happened before.
I have no memory and feelings for my biological mother, but when I burn paper money in the New Year, I will burn her. When I encounter difficulties, I will also ask her to bless.I have sympathy for her and hate.She was indeed a victim, but because she had no son, she was sick and let us have no mother. I was at a young age of taking care of (support) parents, parents, and leaving alone.My three sisters moved to two families. After her mother -in -law died, she was crowded out by her stepmother. She was only married at the age of 15.Now, her uterus has a tumor, spending money to see a doctor, and she can’t help raising her home. Her husband disgusts her.
What I have encountered since I was a child made my life hard to believe in a man, and I was afraid of marriage.There are more than a dozen uncles in our (adoptive parents) family. These uncle generally go to work in the construction site in other places. They can talk to my mother and have no preparation. They will tell my mother. On the construction site, they endure.If you can’t stop, you will go together.
Some acquaintances have infringed me.When I was in the fifth grade, I had a tapeworm in my stomach for a while, and I often occurred. I could only lie on the bed.I have taught my uncle, and he also taught me, so he said that he came to my room to see and help me.As a result, he kissed me and touched my chest.
And after my mother died, the coffin was placed in the house, and the loved ones needed to keep the spirit. My dad did not help. I wanted to sleep on the ground next to the coffin.One night and night, I woke up and found a man hugging me to sleep. I immediately shook his hand and ran away, hiding in the corner upstairs, and the lights could not be opened.sad.
These things were mainly experienced after my mother was sick.After these things, I understood that a girl grew up under the shelter without her parents and met a lot of ugliness.
Before the banquet, I discussed the issue of fertility with the other half. I said I didn’t want children, and he said that with my intention.In fact, I know that getting married is a child. I deliberately test him. I worry that his family has not taken good care of me, and he is not good to me after he gets married, so I said in advance.
If he was stunned with me, I may not be with him.His parents will say that you are not young. While we are young, you can help you bring your children, you hurry up (child).He may have told his mother behind him, and his mother never urged me to have children.
He also took care of me at home, and told his mother that I would not do housework, so that she would not ask me to do it.He bought a lot of clothes for me, and he didn’t buy it himself. These trivial things moved me.
In February this year, I was pregnant.To tell you the truth, I am 30 years old, I have been drifting for a long time, too lonely, longing for the warmth of the family, and wanting to have a child, I have a sustenance in my heart, so I went to "gamble".
At that time, he accompanied me to the hospital to do a B -ultrasound and confirmed that he was pregnant. He was very happy and could not stop his smile.I like to control this all day long, and I can’t eat it. Before eating, check on his mobile phone and make it nervous.It is the 11th week of pregnancy, and I occasionally vomit.
Now that I take care of myself alone, my mother’s family is not much. My husband’s house takes more than four hours from my school to the high -speed rail.He also has to go to work.
When the first three months before the production, the body would definitely become more and more bulky. I thought he would take care of me at that time, and he agreed.I was going back to my hometown to produce confinement. After, the child asked his mother to bring it, and I went back to school to teach.
I will not be a full -time mother. The first is to consider the economic situation. I am full -time. It is difficult for him to raise a family.Secondly, I am me first, the child’s mother, I don’t want to lose my personal value.
I haven’t responded now. I’m going to be a mother, but I have no mother’s care.But what I have learned from my mother is that since I gave birth to him, I was responsible for him. I don’t expect to get from him, and I will give it wholeheartedly.
For me, children are spiritual sustenance and life motivation.I just want to get the warmth and love between people, love is the source of motivation to support me.
We didn’t get a marriage certificate, I don’t want to get it, but we still have no sense of security.When he had a banquet, he did not propose a marriage certificate. At that time, his feelings were strong. I deliberately had the presence several times in front of him. He was not a matter.On Valentine’s Day on February 14 this year, he took the initiative to propose to receive a certificate. I asked him why?He said that he went to the loan because he was doing business at the time, and this sentence stabbed me, so I haven’t received it until now. I thought that letting the child settle on me.
Slowly, I found that he was not going in, so lazy.He always felt that I had a stable job and lost business. I salad for more than 4,000 a month, and gave him more than 2,000 every time. He felt it for granted.
But in general, currently getting married is better than getting married.In the past, no one cared about it. Now with him, the fuck will call me every three differences. He will come to me when he has time, or help me run his legs.
After my parents left, I rarely returned to my hometown except worship.My mother was buried on the mountain not far from my house and walked for a few minutes.Every year I go back to my hometown in the winter and summer vacations, go to my mother’s grave to burn money paper, and repair the newly grown grass and trees on the grave.
By accidental pictures of my hometown on the short video platform, I would remember that I used to eat with my mother to eat cold and eat it.And when my mother lived, I went to the field to pull the celery and go home to eat.I miss that time so much.
Over the years, I regret one thing, that is, my mother may know that I can’t do it, and I want to explain my last words with me.I can’t accept it, my mood is fierce, crying and making trouble, and she is not allowed to say.She looked at me with a very sad expression and did not say that in the end.