As a father, I was pregnant because of myself

Before IUI, I felt that I endured gender anxiety disorder for no reason when taking testicular hormones.But this kind of fertility therapy work immediately.

I have no scientific evidence that my body "does not like" frozen embryo metastasis (FET), but it feels true.I believe this helps me understand the early abortion experienced after the transfer in early 2021, and then FET attempts to fail directly.I have no infertility, and the embryo is "high -grade".FET should be dunk, but I have experienced not only failure, but also strongly rejected by my body.Similarly, there is no scientific evidence, but I imagine it as an immune response.Just like my uterus said, "Brex, what is this, why is it here without my explicit permission?"

After the second FET failed, I experienced a crisis that can be said to be the crisis of maternity treatment.April marked that the testicular hormone has dropped for a whole year, and I have nothing to show off.I feel that my life has been put on hold, and I endure the impact of gender anxiety every day for no reason.So I did any basic middle -class white father to do: I bought a camping car.

I usually do not decide impulsively.At the age of 34, I have never had a vehicle before, and I have never paid the cost of going abroad for studying abroad.But the legend of fertility treatment is strange for one and anyone.When the second FET failed, a friend snatched a cheap truck, making me feel the only solution.This magnificent gesture will make the pain and watches of "I exist" watching the noisy sound of life passing through my mind.

I did not buy a carbon separately.My parents and I "jointly invested" a miniature camping car -you know, like a real adult.The plan is shared, and sometimes it is rented by a camping car equivalent to Airbnb.So soon, it is expected to provide a little extra income.

For a few years, I have been depositing money for this investment share, and for a long time, I have been having a fan of a van.Mainly these savings, I am very afraid that my fertility treatment will eat or devour.Of course, as I imagined, I want to complete my family, but I also want to continue to pursue the complete life I imagined.I think I can give me all the adventures and memories he deserved here.When I think I can spend so much time and money to build a brother and sisters, I will shrink back, which may be at the expense of a fulfilling life with the children I already have.

When I conduct these reviews, I hope that another kind of fertility treatment can be consistent with the preferences and disgust of my physical imagination.In the same month, I look forward to the simplicity of the internal insemination (IUI) program, that is, donating sperm to enter the uterus directly, and your body extracts it from there.The only drug I want to take is to "trigger" HCG hormones the night before to ensure that I ovulate at the best time.

Overall, the cost of this process will also be lower than FET -or I think so.In mid -April, a clinic nurse called me London for Hycosy test."What is that?" I asked and was surprised."I have never had that kind before."

She explained that they would pass the liquid dye through my uterus and fallopian tubes to check whether it might hinder the obstruction of eggs and sperm.The obstruction will happen at any time, so even if I am pregnant with SJ a few years ago, IUI works well, but this time it may not.Explanation said that my old clinic should conduct Hycosy test before IUI.

"How much money?" I asked carefully.

"£ 450," replied, slightly higher than $ 600.

I groaned in my heart.Just when I think my wallet was only hit by a slight blow this month -IUI was about 800 pounds, and the 1,600 pounds of each FET -the bill was suddenly more than 50%higher than expected.My intuition is resurrected again: I think this is a waste of money without scientific evidence.I think my tube is very clean, but if I am wrong, what about the total cost of IUI?If most aspects of trying to get pregnant this time, things are more complicated than I think?

In mid -April, the dye worth 450 pounds (one -minute quantity) rushed across my original tube.The doctor actually said that she had never seen it so fast.What’s even better is that this is the only fertility surgery that I have caused severe pain, and it will bring huge nausea and headaches later.At least I was calm inside.After that, I waited for the beginning of the next cycle, which coincided with the beginning of the month.

The van followed.On Saturday, May 8th, in my opinion, this spectacular car was sent to our fell asleep street by friendly people. They changed it from a small truck to a four -seater micro.Camping car.On Sunday, May 9th, I drove to London to participate in IUI. I hope this can give birth to a second child.

When you reach the final stage of the fertility treatment cycle -might lead to pregnancy appointment -usually after a few weeks or months, even if this is the first attempt.When one of these major and exciting markers of the appointment happened, it is difficult to have such an idea. I want to know if this is the last time I walked into this door … I don’t know that this is meThe last time I saw this nurse’s face … I want to know whether this is the last time I drink water to the level of "comfortable bladder plump" … (This is basically FET and IUIslogan.)

Although I try not to do this, I still have these ideas.When you try the third time, I want to know if this is the last time … the idea may begin to look like a mockery caused by self.Maybe it was that spiritual tug of war that made me distracted, so I couldn’t really drink enough water.However, I was the last Sunday of the day, so when the nurse checked my bladder, she must think, that would be.I really want to go home.

When the doctor came in, the donation sperm was ready at any time, and the nurse had to apply additional pressure on my abdomen to see clearly on the ultrasonic screen.It is in that kind of severe discomfort that I realize what a complete bladder is used.It gives ultrasonic sticks some things that promote and "see through".Without it, she had to work harder to let the doctor see the point of view of his sperm to accurately place sperm.

I started to worry silently that huge pressure would prevent the work of IUI.Will this definitely prevent sperm from going up or downstream?I am not jealous of nurses (she is also dreamy buzzing, I find this very relaxed), but I really think, okay, this is so fucking.

However -maybe for all reasons, I intuitively know what my body has done and what does not want anything, but it may not want anything for them -it works.Just like I tried IUI for the first time, the same donor led to the birth of my first child, and this time it succeeded.After almost a whole month, after two consecutive pregnancy tests were positive for two weeks (no matter how many times I did, I couldn’t believe it), I scanned it in London in advance to confirm.

Almost four years ago, I participated in the pregnancy test, causing SJ to give birth.At that time, my initial emotional response was silent, and it was best to describe it in words.There are no tears, no liberation, only shock.It is true that the same thing happened this time. At that time, I urinated the first stick and then urinated a lot.

Perhaps the information that is objective and changing life is stunned from some hard psychic armor installed by me for more bad news.Perhaps the experience of miscarriage earlier increased my tendency to be vigilant and the habit of emotional treatment of the incident after the incident really took a long time.

One of the initial ideas that managed to pass through my tired neural pathway was that I think I was a little hurried. I bought a van with a sleeping space of only two families of sleep …

After I tried to get pregnant for more than a year for the first time, I finally got on the road.When I left the clinic after the early confirmation of scanning in the six weeks of pregnancy, I grabbed a granular ultrasonic printing of almost nothing, and another idea suddenly disappeared: I want to know if this was the last time I came here.

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